How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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