Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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