you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
