My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
