My first STD was from a foam party
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
