im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
