I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
