It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
