I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
