I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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