She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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