i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
