You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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