C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
