You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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