I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
