allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
