I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
