I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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