Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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