If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
