I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My hand turned me down
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
