so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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