I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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