You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Randomize
