Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It's blow job season.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
