My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
