i permit you to call me
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
