Sry I called you an 8
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
