just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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