he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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