My underwear smells like fireworks.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
