I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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