so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
