and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
