id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
send nudes
from the living room?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
