Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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