Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
