just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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