We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
