as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
