Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
