We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
This is my life. Enjoy the view
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
