My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
