I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
