One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
