At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
