i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
