i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
