i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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