I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
