I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
