am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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