Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
