I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
