So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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