Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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