Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I smell stomach acid.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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