We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
