i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
