Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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