Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
