It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
