So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
