Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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