you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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